Divorce

Divorce is one lifes scariest words. For most they never in their wildest dreams think that they will wake up one day and be filling out the papers to end their marriage. Divorce is tough because the reason for it may never actually be known from the start. Marriage can end because of lack of communication, infedility, fraud and a whole buntch of other reasons.

When your going through a divorce its very easy to place blame on your significant other. You will both sit down to talk and instead of calmly discussing things you wind up screaming and yelling about all the reasons you are mad at them.

For me right now the hardest thing has been to accept the fact that my life is changing and it will not be the same. My marriage is ending for a number of reasons. We both had our share of problems from DAY 1 of the relationship and truthfully we rushed it.

In 2008 I had just broken up with my now ex-fiance(not my husband) at the time and he left me for his ex girlfriend. I knew that down the road she was probably going to leave him and he would come crawling back and I would stupidly give him another chance when I had already given him one. So I took the advice of a friend and I joined Yahoo Personals. At the start it was just all good fun and it was something that I could do when I was bord or late at night when I couldnt sleep.

I found my husbands profile and I read that he was a sailor and in the past I had been with a few army men therefore I was use to being a military gf/fiance. I read his profile and decided to message him! We started talking and then we decided to meet one weekend in person and it was awesome we started dating that weekend.

A month later we were engaged. We were going to have a small wedding that year so that I could be placed on his benefits and then in 2009 we would have a larger wedding! Well then we found out there was a possibility he could be deployed and we had a wedding in Nov. That wedding was our big wedding. It cost 25,000 dollars. Most of it was paid for by my parents and some by his.

I will never say our marriage was always good. Honestly no relationship is ever perfect. You are going to disagree, you are going to argue, you are going to fight, someone at some point will get upset the other person or hurt by them. Its part of being human, we all make mistakes and at some point you have to learn forgiveness.

There were times long before this that I thought my marriage was going to end up in the garbage can and usually it was because I was angry and I honestly thought I was that badly hurt that nothing could repair it, but that wasnt the case. I was overreacting at those times.

The whole reason I know its over now is because the jokes that we use to share and the nick names that made us laugh, upset him more now than ever! Which shows me he is no longer the man I fell in love with and I really hate to give up on my marriage, but I see no point in staying with someone that deep down I no longer have the same feelings for. I will always have feelings for him as a friend and the fact that he was a part of my life. He is the reason I changed my last name with Social Security and the DMV. He is the reason that I moved out of my parents house and down near the subase he was stationed at.

The greatest lesson he has taught me is that its ok to not get the right person on the first try. When I got married the only thing I focused on was what you see in the movies. A guy drops to his knee with a sparkly ring and then they have happy wedding and ride off into the sunset. The movies never cover that laundry is now multiplied, bills never stop, you have someone elses wants and needs to consider.

When I got married I was more focused on being able to say YAY im married I have a husband. What I didnt realize is that I was giving up a part of me that I would truly come to miss. I grew up Christian and I believe God to be a big part of life, and my husband was Jewish. I put aside my views for the wedding and I was never allowed to really talk about religion and use words such as Jesus or God. My husband was also controlling. He wouldnt allow me to die my hair or cut it unless he approved and I slowly started to take on the things that he liked and give up the things that I liked.

In a marriage you shouldnt have to give something up! A marriage is TWO people and even though they now share the last name, you have to compromise. For example if your cooking dinner one night and making pasta with meat sauce and they come up and say they would rather have chicken its probably best to sit down at the start of the week and plan out the meals. Ask each other what you would like to have that week and plan in out so that everyone knows what is being had on what day. If your going to the movies and he wants to see an action movie and you wanna see a chick flick, then flip a coin or say well this time you can pick the movie and next time they get to pick or vice versa.

I know a lot of this post is ramblings, but I hope if your reading it you can find inspiration in it!