Strength and Sorrow

As 2010 comes to a close in a few short weeks I look at the year and see many things. I see blessings and I see sorrows. When I rang in the new year I never expect that I would be ending the year getting divorced, having a mother who survived a painfully surgery time in her life, and with so many blessings. I have friends who have given birth to wonderful and beautiful children and friends who have found love and gotten married.

Since seperating from my own husband I have put myself back out on the dating field a few times only to get hurt. I have a friend who once told me "You need to take risks to get the reward." That statement is all too true! As I begin the path of opening my heart again and trying to find the person that fate wants me to be with I often forget this.

I am bipolar, I suffer from panic attacks and depression like its going out of style. There are times I wake up in the middle of the night and I start pacing or crying and it hurts badly because I have no one to wrap their arms around me and tell me its gonna be ok. There have been times that I have shown this side of myself without trying to when sleeping with a guy and the results were him just rolling over to go back to sleep! I should have realized that he wasnt right then and there because I know in my heart of hearts that no matter what whoever I end up with is gonna wake up in the middle of the night with me and do everything they can to help me calm down and get back to sleep!

For now I may be single, but I have so much to be thankful for. I have a mother and a father who love me and support me, I have two wonderful sisters always willing to fight for me, a brother in law who has no problem expressing the need or want to kick someones ass when they hurt me, a nephew who at four years old is the most creative, funny, smart and gifted little boy I have ever met, a dog who needs me everyday for something, but most of all I have me! I have the power to pull myself out of bed and wipe the tear marks away and to live another day. To take as many chances fly at me through everything and anything that I do!

My purpose for this blog is to not only let my own feeligns out, but to remind you as the reader that if you ever feel overwhelmed by sorrow, take a step back and SEE the good in your life! It will give you the strength to continue