Finding the GIRL I use to be

I want to write again!

Over the course of my life I have always loved writing and English class. It was my favorite subject in school and one that brought me a lot of memories.

My middle school English teacher, George Cornelius, passed away during February vacation of seventh grade. I had always vowed to do well in English to honor his memory. In high school we had a project where we wrote an essay about our life up until that point. I still have that scrapbook essay to this day.

Over the past few years I have noticed my writing and reading declining. My life has changed in that I have a toddler now, so not as much free time, but also I have struggled with a concussion. I noticed my moods changing.

But recently I sat down and just started looking at my life and I am not happy with how I have been using my blog lately. I love doing the book reviews because its an awesome way to experience free books. But, I want to do more.

I want to take the written word and my creativity and put it out there for the world to see. I want to maybe turn this into a job, that will allow me to support my family, while still spending time with them. My therapist is pushing and pushing for me to go back to work after things brought up my anxiety and depression, but for our family that just is not really possible.

We have one car, myself, my husband, and our son, Lucas. For me to work outside the home we have to schedule daycare, which my in laws are willing to do and I have a sister who is more than happy to watch Lucas. However, those options are not always on the table. Paying for daycare would mean that after I bring home my paycheck and give daycare it's share of the money, I essentially only bring in pennies. Not very beneficial to us.

Having only one car is also a problem. Yes, there are modes of public transportation, but most those make me travel sick and in a way make me very uncomfortable. I have memories from early years about situations that have happened on buses and seeing them brings back flash backs.

That being said, I also get to a point where I love being at home. I love to be there for my family when they need it and to do the tasks like cooking, meal planning, the cleaning and organizing. My dream in life has always been to be a stay at home mom.

At the same time, I know our family could really use my bringing in some kind of money. Which is why I want to find a way to be able to stay at home and still support my family.

So starting today I am hopefully going to challenge myself to write on this blog at least twice a week. Small number to start out.

I hope you enjoy following my journey with me. I look forward to sharing it with you